I was never one to fear getting older. When I was growing up, I always anxiously waited for my birthday and each time, I was excited to be another year older. Throughout my 20s, I embraced growing older and approached it with pride rather than fear. I didn’t think it was something to dread; I thought that each year would bring on new experiences and knowledge. I still feel that way, but that being said, I feel kind of anxious about turning 30.
It’s not really about the number. I don’t feel any different than I did yesterday and I don’t think my entire life is about to change just because I entered a new decade of my life. That being said, my entire life is about to change, and that’s a bit scary. See, early next year, my boyfriend and I will be moving to a new city. The fact that this is happening shortly after I turn 30 is entirely coincidental, but it still sort of feels like my youth is ending. That doesn’t mean that I think that my life is over or anything ridiculous like that, but I do feel like a major change is on the horizon. I’ve spent almost my entire 20s in Berlin, so leaving sort of feels like entering an entirely new phase. I don’t yet know exactly what that means, but I do know that life will not continue on as usual. Berlin is sort of a Neverland, where no one ever really grows up. I doubt the same can be said for the small city in the Rhineland that will be my new home. Part of me is excited for all of the new things that this change will bring, but part of me is also very, very nervous.
That being said, I’m a little happy to leave my 20s behind me. I had some great times over the last decade, but also some not-so-great times. In an early episode of “Girls,” a doctor tells Hannah (Lena Dunham) that “you couldn’t pay (her) to be 24 again.” I totally understand that, because when you’re in your 20s, you’re so unsure of yourself. You’re still learning about who you are and what you want. I don’t have everything all “figured out” yet and I’m not really in the same place that my younger self thought I’d be at this point in my life. Still, I’m happy with who I am and what I’ve accomplished over the last few years, and I’m grateful for what I have (which is quite a lot!) I may be anxious about the big changes that are coming up, but I feel well equipped to face them. My 20s are over, but I have a long life ahead of me. I’m looking forward to it.