Sometimes, I get into pointless trains of thought before I go to sleep at night. Usually, this happens when I’m really exhausted but I can’t get to sleep. By “pointless”, I mean that I start thinking about philosophical concepts that I used to mull over when I was 17. Apparently, tired me is about as complicated and intellectual as 17-year-old me (i.e. not very). A few nights ago, I jotted down a few notes making fun of myself and I thought I’d share them, because I don’t mind making people chuckle at my own expense.

Brain: What does being conscious mean, anyway?
Me: Shut up.
Brain: No, I mean it. Like, what’s the point of being self-aware? Does it add anything in the whole context of the universe?
Me: Not now.
Brain: Why are we here? Why are you who you are? Did you become who you are? Or were you born that way?
Me: I give up.
Brain: Is any of this even real.
Me: …
Brain: You should totally write about this on the Internet.
Me: Time for an audio book.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I need to listen to something before I go to sleep.

(The solution to many of my problems)